Prima Nocte, tonight on ABC

OptKing.jpg

Okay, so last night, I happened upon an episode of my favorite show of all time, the Oprah Winfrey Show. I don’t know if you guys have seen this show, but this lady Oprah is really great. She seems to have guests who I’ve seen on TV (The Jamie Foxx Show, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and in movies (Ray, Ali) and it looks like she’s really making a difference.



But check this out . . .

OptKing.jpg

Okay, so last night, I happened upon an episode of my favorite show of all time, the Oprah Winfrey Show. I don’t know if you guys have seen this show, but this lady Oprah is really great. She seems to have guests who I’ve seen on TV (The Jamie Foxx Show, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air) and in movies (Ray, Ali) and it looks like she’s really making a difference.



So on this one episode, which I’m told was a re-run, Oprah and that one friend of hers (the one who drives around and sings in the car just like the rest of us) were crashing other people’s weddings. Just stopping by to say hello and take a picture of the cake and then later plug the cake at the taping of the show to talk about crashing weddings.



It is possibly the worst idea I’ve ever seen executed by a television show.



A WEDDING?



Are you kidding?



Oprah…clue: weddings ain’t for you, sweetie. They’re for the BRIDE AND GROOM. We know you’re a billionaire, and it’s great that you hang with Bono and treat kids to lollies and cleft palate surgery, but come on.



Oprah showing up at weddings becomes the 21st century equivalent of Prima Nocte: English nobles of olde tyme showing-up at Scottish ceremonies to bless the marriage by taking the brides into their beds on the night of their weddings.



Remember that scene in Braveheart?



I remember that guy being PISSED.



The hilarious thing is that she had the bride, groom, and the entire family on the show to talk about how CRAZY and NUTS and AWESOME and ZANY it got when fucking Oprah showed-up to bless the marriage with her aura of free cars and pictures of babies with healed cleft palates and plugs for the local fucking bakeries.



Ripping on Oprah is nothing new. I can stomach the infrequent trips to the Apple store to buy 50 iPods for her friends so that the proceeds go to fix spinal bifida. That’s cool. Spinal bifida sucks and I have an iPod. I’ll keep my mouth shut and go back to checking email.



But showing up at a wedding?



You know better, Oprah.



Go buy some gum at Jewel with your debit card and get a million dollars in cash back and take some time off to learn stichery or something.



I guess it’s considered a legitimate art form.

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