No Worries Thomas – I’ve Been to New York

jones.jpg

If you aren’t a sports fan but got swept up in the Super Bowl, the Bears have traded away number 20. His name is Thomas Jones and he has two defining qualities. 1) he’s got really big, pumped up arms. 2) he has a ferrarri. I know this because of all the awesome Super Bowl coverage. Thomas was traded to the Jets. What’s a Jet? But no fear TJ, I have been to New York City like 7 times in my life and I can give you some advice. After the jump.

jones.jpg

If you aren’t a sports fan but got swept up in the Super Bowl, the Bears have traded away number 20. His name is Thomas Jones and he has two defining qualities. 1) he’s got really big, pumped up arms. 2) he has a ferrarri. I know this because of all the awesome Super Bowl coverage. Thomas was traded to the Jets. What’s a Jet? But no fear TJ, I have been to New York City like 7 times in my life and I can give you some advice. After the jump.


So Thomas J (can I call you that?), Here are some quick observations and a little bit of advice for you in New York..

1) The Cabs talk to you. Do they still do that? So don’t be alarmed when Danny Aiello’s voice magically appears. They don’t do that here.

2) They don’t call their pizza cheese, they call it plain. They are real sticklers for this one! Let me tell you!

3) It costs like 5 bucks for a bridge toll to get into Manhattan.

4) New Yorkers love bagels.

5) New Yorkers talk a big game, but they are pretty mousy dudes. Pop one of those dockworker wannabees in the mouth and you gain ultimate respect.

6) Stars just walk among you. Once I saw the kid from Third Rock from the Sun! On a cellphone!!

7) They don’t accept gratuity in New York. From what I’ve heard, you don’t have to tip.

8) Keith Hernandez lives in town and wears charity golf shirts and whitewashed denim.

9) They have a big central park. But watch out because if you are a lady, a bunch of Puerto Rican guys will try to take your pants off.

10) It’s a very gay city. Lots of gays. Even all the tough guy actors on Law and Order are gay. So go with it. Live a little. Enjoy your time and stay in New York, and put on a dress to try something new. It’s the “Big Apple” way. Trust me.

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