I Read the News So You Don’t Have To

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I realized yesterday when talking to a few people that Cook County politics is not very popular. It’s hard to get through. Some have warmed up lately to Chicago politics, but when you stretch to county government, the yawns come out and I quickly start juggling or cooking Crystal Meth (you know, so my friends won’t leave). It occurs to me that I might have a niche here! See, I know a bit about County politics. Not much, sort of like a C+ student in Geometry. I’m not smart, but I see what they are gettin at. It strikes me that I can help. I can give it to you straight on the important stuff in an entertaining, down to earth relateable way, like the “Regular Guy” film feature on WXRT. Cause everyone is like the Regular guy, right? And I’ll have tons of grammatical errors too! This ain’t no AP style bullshit. This is real, just like you. More after the jump (just in case you really care or don’t care about this shit).

cookcounty.jpg

I realized yesterday when talking to a few people that Cook County politics is not very popular. It’s hard to get through. Some have warmed up lately to Chicago politics, but when you stretch to county government, the yawns come out and I quickly start juggling or cooking Crystal Meth (you know, so my friends won’t leave). It occurs to me that I might have a niche here! See, I know a bit about County politics. Not much, sort of like a C+ student in Geometry. I’m not smart, but I see what they are gettin at. It strikes me that I can help. I can give it to you straight on the important stuff in an entertaining, down to earth relateable way, like the “Regular Guy” film feature on WXRT. Cause everyone is like the Regular guy, right? And I’ll have tons of grammatical errors too! This ain’t no AP style bullshit. This is real, just like you. More after the jump (just in case you really care or don’t care about this shit).


Here’s the thing. Nobody has paid attention to Cook County government for years. So the incumbent Democrats, you know the fat, old Stroger guy who fell into a coma last election???? Well, he has been doing what he wants. We now are running with a 500 million dollar defecit. So the son, who was elected in place of the fat, old, comatose Dad is trying to fix it. Here’s the rub. Here is why nepotism is bad for government. He doesn’t have any qualifications to be the guy who fixes this. He just has his Dad’s name. And furthermore, he’s a Chicago politician at heart. So he hires his friends and former staffers to help him. More super unqualified people.

His fix? He just asked all of the different departments in County gov to take a 17 percent cut. No matter what, just cut it. I fixed it!!!! Oh, but that includes hospitals, police, public defenders and state’s attorneys. Those are areas you don’t want to cut. Zorn had a great article the other day about it. We will be asking State’s Attorneys to each take on 600 caseloads. The average in NYC is 1 prosecutor for 130. Um, not good. Now, Stroger says the States Attorney is lying.

He doesn’t care, he just wants to balance the budget. So the other commissioners are saying this is why the people elected you, to make tough decisions. Not just unilaterally cut 17 percent. That’s how a 12 year old balances a budget. The opponents are saying cut the fat. Cut out all the managers and middle managers and the people who are on the payroll because they hand out flyers for the Democratic Party. That’s how you get a job in Chicago. You work with precinct captains and other election-types and get the word out for the election. If you do a good job, they find a job in the Water department for ya. It’s a great system til a porch collapses and a bunch of Lincoln Park kids die. You dig?

The great thing is that they have to come up with a solution here. Because the state constitution says the budget must be balanced and approved by Feb. 28th. So I’ll keep you up to date with all the shenanigans that will go down in the next 2 weeks. The real stuff, just the way you like it.

It really is an interesting story.

disclaimer: I could be wrong on some of this shit. After all, I’m just a C+ student.

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