The Terrorists Win!

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I’m sure you’ve heard this by now, but I wanted to comment. For those of you who don’t know on, January 31st, after being up for close to a month in Austin, Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, and Boston, a bunch of lightbrites in Boston were suddenly confused for brightly lit bombs.

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I’m sure you’ve heard this by now, but I wanted to comment. For those of you who don’t know on, January 31st, after being up for close to a month in Austin, Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, and Boston, a bunch of lightbrites in Boston were suddenly confused for brightly lit bombs.


The terrorists have won folks. It was a tough battle there, but they won. A good fight was given by some people defiantly refusing to change their lives because Osama Bin Laden requested it. But at every corner liberty and freedom were dealt blow after blow by the politically expedient forces in Washington.

They used terrorism as a football making it so every politician running for office had to be making it safer for us than the previous guy who was making us safer than the previous who only claimed to be making us safer. Throughout this process they took an isolated, unsupported cult and turned it into the greatest threat in the history of mankind. Is that wise? Was that a good idea?

I’m sure you’ve heard this by now, but I wanted to comment. For those of you who don’t know on, January 31st, after being up for close to a month in Austin, Seattle, Chicago, San Francisco, and Boston, a bunch of lightbrites in Boston were suddenly confused for brightly lit bombs.

I like how they “detonated” the lightbrites. No, you can’t detonate a lightbrite, you can detonate a bomb that you put on the lightbrite. We are fucking idiots. This country is the laughing stock. We’re so paranoid of the Terrorist under the bed that we blew up a lightbrite to make everyone safe. The terrorists win, game over.

I can’t believe we’ve been brought to such a fever pitch that Boston overreacted like this. The message is clear to you, America: Don’t do anything, you never know whether people will mistake it for the terrorism. “Don’t do.” – put it on the flag.

This has pissed me off for a while. For the last six years, the news has to back up every story with “terrorism is not suspected.” How often when you hear that do you think, “I wouldn’t have thought the terrorists were responsible in the first place.” The news puts that thought in your head so that instantly they’re doing a good job. It works the same with all of our useless politicians, letting you know they’re on the forefront of stopping something that may not exist.

Fear, Fear, Fear, Fear, Fear. “You could die tomorrow, you don’t want to die do you? Then do what I say.” They’re running an extortion racket. A color coded chart telling you how afraid to be? Can you believe we had that shit? We’re being fucked with, and if you don’t believe me, then you have far more faith in politicians than I do. But you can do the math yourself to find out this shit is fake, clear your mind and think for yourself. Which of the following allows us to fight these supposed terrorists better: HAVING a color-coded chart telling terrorists how much we’re watching them, or NOT having one?

But I’m off topic just because I was rooting for The Bears, and U.S.A., but they both lost. But here’s what’s great, first, the greatest press-conference ever.

They were told by their attorney that they couldn’t talk about the case, so they told the press that they would only answer questions about 70’s haircuts. What a wonderful fuck you to the useless press conference where somebody just says they can’t answer that over and over. Also, while it would be a crime to have placed the lightbrites to incite a panic…they didn’t. So why take the charge of inciting a riot seriously? You and I have no responsibility for someone’s incorrect interpretation of our actions. Why would the terrorists leave light-up bombs? I mean, shit, just think for a second. We are fucking idiots.

How old do you think those kids are? 26? Look how not-seriously they’re taking the war on terror. That generation is lost to safety-whoring politicians. Awesome. May this press conference go down in history.

And the best thing about all this is that it was all over an Adult Swim cartoon, how hip is that?

Parents and politicians and city officials today don’t know what a Mooninite is any more than parents-of-old knew what a Jimi Hendrix was. The old and the young have been divided again, but this time instead of fearmongering at the hands of the Russians and Rock & Roll, it’s Terrorism and Adult Swim. Long live the new Rock & Roll. I love it. I love everything about this event and what it says about these times and what it says about this generation coming up. More power to them. And the symbol of this new movement, a poorly-animated character flipping you off.

For politicians to get their way the terrorists had to be made far bigger and far more numerous than they ever were, they had to be made hiding in every street corner they weren’t. Grand statements of keeping us safe were made to people that were in no danger. Bad call.

We’ve had the political football kicked in our collective faces for many years. If we don’t support THIS the terrorists win, if we don’t support THAT the terrorists win, if we don’t jump up and down fifteen times the terrorists win.

None of this is true, merely politically expedient. Follow me on this, Terrorists win…if we all live in terror.

I can’t believe me going to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force will now be a political statment, I suggest you do the same.

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