Open Letter to True Blue Bears Guy

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Hi. I’m Justin and I’m here to talk to you about a very important subject. The Bears lost the Super Bowl, but this gives you an opportunity to put away your Urlacher jersey and concentrate on life. Smell the sludge around you. Maybe take the wife to Jay Alexanders. See, football is a great game and full of excitement, but it isn’t designed to go all the way from August to February. Well, I guess it is designed to, but it’s unhealthy. That’s about half a year. So for a half of a year you’ve spent full Sundays blowing off yard work, ignoring your children and hitting your wife. Don’t hit your wife.

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Open Letter to Chicago Bears Guy: “Go run a deep one Timmy!” “Throw it Dad” “Here it goes (hrumphh!!!!)”

Hi. I’m Justin and I’m here to talk to you about a very important subject. The Bears. They lost the Super Bowl, but this gives you an opportunity to put away your Urlacher jersey and concentrate on life. Smell the sludge around you. Maybe take the wife to Jay Alexanders. See, football is a great game and full of excitement, but it isn’t designed to go all the way from August to February. Well, I guess it is designed to, but it’s unhealthy. That’s about half a year. So for a half of a year you’ve spent full Sundays blowing off yard work, ignoring your children and hitting your wife. Don’t hit your wife.

bears.jpg

“Go run a deep one Timmy!” “Throw it Dad” “Here it goes (hrumphh!!!!)”

Hi. I’m Justin and I’m here to talk to you about a very important subject. The Bears. They lost the Super Bowl, but this gives you an opportunity to put away your Urlacher jersey and concentrate on life. Smell the sludge around you. Maybe take the wife to Jay Alexanders. See, football is a great game and full of excitement, but it isn’t designed to go all the way from August to February. Well, I guess it is designed to, but it’s unhealthy. That’s about half a year. So for a half of a year you’ve spent full Sundays blowing off yard work, ignoring your children and hitting your wife. Don’t hit your wife.

I’m here today to say that there is more to life than football. There’s NBA basketball. There’s BMX. There’s golf. There are plenty of other ways to spend your Sundays. If you want to make a difference, put down the remote control and go clean up the park down the street. Or maybe write a 50 dollar check to the “Save Rex Grossman fund”. He is going to need to pay his mortgage next year and it might be tough for him to find work. The economy, stupid.

The Chicago Bears aren’t worth it. Yes, they played a great season and they brought a civic pride to our city, and they are more addictive (emotionally) than cocaine, but really. They hurt you in the end like a variable interest loan. Sure it’s great at the beginning, but after a few games, the balloon bursts. And who wants pain. Instead, go horseback riding. The worst you can do is fall off the horse. But your bruises will heal. With the Bears? The scars remain.

“Good catch Timmy! Now let’s go shovel some snow!”

Next year, the Bears will be back in July, working out in June. We’ll see the same faces and maybe some new ones. And instead of fixing the sink or buying your kids clothes, you’ll go dust off the Urlacher jersey and rinse and repeat. Wouldn’t you rather learn how to play the Ukelele? Or maybe take up ballroom dancing? Or learning a new language? Or will you get caught up in the city wide euphoria that comes with a Berrian touchdown or a Tommie Harris sack. God it’s a rush. Maybe you can watch a couple games. OK, if they start hot then you can watch em all. Well, if they start 500 you can watch em all. Shit, I will be.

So please, don’t fret. Wipe the slugs from your face cause today is a new day. Consider this time your offseason. You need time to heal, to mend your wrists from all the pumping in the air. You need time to erase the gut you built from the Pot Roast nachos. Rest and relax, do something new. So what will you do tomorrow?

Don’t say Arena Football.

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