I’m Not Patient Zero.

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So last week, and the week before, I had succumbed to the power of the all-mighty, ever-changing cold bug. The bug that infects indiscriminately – old, young, male, female, gay – doesn’t matter. If you are breathing, there’s a good chance, a very good chance, you are going to get it.

And don’t give me any of that inncoulation crap. It’s a racket. I’m sure of it. I just don’t have the resources to prove it. But when I do…. watch out medical establishment, I’m gunning for you.

After the jump – shit I have to put up with at work.

outbreak.jpg

So last week, and the week before, I had succumbed to the power of the all-mighty, ever-changing cold bug. The bug that infects indiscriminately – old, young, male, female, gay – doesn’t matter. If you are breathing, there’s a good chance, a very good chance, you are going to get it.

And don’t give me any of that inncoulation crap. It’s a racket. I’m sure of it. I just don’t have the resources to prove it. But when I do…. watch out medical establishment, I’m gunning for you.

After the jump – shit I have to put up with at work.

outbreak.jpg

I don’t know what it is, but every year the same thing happens. I work in an office of 6 people – 2 of whom are sleeping together. So, when you work in tight confines, you’re going to – oh, I don’t know – share AIR. If one person gets sick, and your boss pisses and moans to get you into the office because “shit can’t get done” – you’re going to go.

And breathe out sicky air.

That’s full of germs.

So expect that a couple people are going to go down because they have to hover over my shoulder while I do the work I could have done from home…

BUT – what gets me – are you ready for this? I had the cold. The common cold. Mucus, sore throat, general achiness. This was not the flu. Two very different beasts. People, not knowing enough to pay attention to what I had, started calling in left and right. “I’m sick. Can’t come in today.” “Me too. I’m sick.” “I know I’m only the mailman, but I’m sick. I’m staying home.” You know what is hilarious – they are all calling in with “I’m nauseous. And puking.”

Where did they get that from? Not me. I never complained of a sick stomach. I never threw up during my bout with Mr. Cold.

But no one wants to look at that fact – and everyone still points the finger at me! You’re the one who did it! You brought the sickness in! I feel like Frankenstein with all the villagers with pitchforks and torches. Except this time, they’re using USB Keyboards and iPods (I don’t know, something more hi-tech… I guess they could stone me with the iPods…?) So. What’s a guy to do, when even his boss says, “I’m puking, and it’s your fault. I’m gonna stay home and rest. And play the new Rockstar game I picked up for the PS3.” ??

Here’s my advice. If you get word that someone is sick in your office, and there’s a chance that that sickness could go ramapant – by all means, use it to your advantage – just find out what the symptoms are!

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