I got to hustle and fit everyone in for the Empty Bottle! Ken Barnard is Chicago’s #1 Performance comedian. He won “Most Innovative Comic” at this year’s Chicago Comedy Awards and he has come in 2nd place in the Andy Kaufman contest at the NY Comedy Festival. Ken is also the voice and the mastermind behind the “Montrose Sinkhole” protest, in which he got news coverage for trying to keep theme from filling the hole.  This bro is kicking ass as he is performing in a 1 man show right now at Lincoln Lodge.

I’ll admit, I’ve always had a pretty big weakness for ice cream. Every single diet has been blown by giving in to Phish Food, which I continually hope is not named after the jam band, not that it would be surprising. Now, despite the wonder of their ice cream, there’s a 100 douchey things about Ben & Jerry. I mean, they named an ice cream after The Dave Matthews Band. Maybe I should stop there. Also, if McCain wants to turn the tide of the election all he has to do is hold up a picture of Ben & Jerry, or the fake guys that play them and say: This is what America will become if Obama wins. These guys. Maybe I should stop there with the perpetuation of liberal stereotypes, most of which are actually miners and autoworkers with no flowers painted on their faces. Oh, and the plays on words, Cherry Garcia, Martin Luther Cone, Strawberry Death Squad, whatever. But what really annoys me in this incredibly gay rant, is a couple of the new flavors. It used to be they’d mix up a few things and give it a gay name. Chunky Monkey, Chubby Hubby, neither of which contains any actual Monkey or Hubby. Is it just me or is the fact that Cheesecake Brownie combines Cheesecake Ice Cream and Cheesecake Brownies a little uncreative? That’s all. It was either this or get pissed about the Jeremiah Wright bullshit, which is still a story eight fucking weeks later. Has there ever been a cleaner candidate if THAT’s what’s sticking? Let’s develop a Humvee that can run on whacko’s and then go one degree of seperation on Bush and Cheney.

Shock & Almonds combines a tasty swirl of oily fudge in between shia-weet ice cream and sunni-apolitan swirls. 

Tomorrow! 8pm at the Empty Bottle. We will be graced with the presence of Claudia! Claudia Wallace has performed around Chicago for several years and you probably saw her on the mainstage at Second City. She was on the stage for over 5 years and she is now living in LA, splitting time! But she is back for this show and we are very humbled to have her in the Schad Rent Party. Actually, we saw her open up for UCB at an improv festival a few years back with her group “Black Comedy Underground”. We probably quoted her for 10 years after that show. “Girrrrl, we gotta get back to our space station…” That’s all I remember, but it was hilarious. Here is Talarico’s short film featuring Claudia’s turn as a CIA undercover agent…”oooh, look at you….”

This is our buddy Todd Voorhies and his best bud - “Red” Stalnacker - taking the stage at last week’s party up at The Red Line Tap. With guests like these… you really have no excuse to come out tomorrow night.

[Video slightly NSFW - just turn the audio down, or put some headphones on!]

Todd Voorhies would be jealous. Mukesh Ambani, one of the richest men in the world, has just completed the world’s first billion dollar home in India. This ridiculously absurd skyscraper has in-house car maintenance, 600 full-time staff, and a helipad. Now, this guy’s worth about 70 billion. He wants to build a place like this, cool. But Mr. Ambani, next time, maybe don’t build your billion dollar home so that it’s physical resting on rivers of piss and raw sewage flowing through your neighbors’ street-level shanty’s. 75% of India’s residents live well below the poverty level, and while he can certainly do whatever he likes with his own money, next time I might suggest giving a mere MILLION to provide Clif bars and Smart Water to nearby constituents for the NEXT FULL DECADE. Hell, get a corporate sponsor! How about a street-level floor with about 500 public toilets and free Jamba Juices for everyone? Come ON! Where’s the karma? Sidenote: this Coruscant-like monstrosity was designed by Perkins & Will in Chicago. Perkins and Will, according to their website, is committed to immersing their design teams into the clients’ culture, mission, values and vision to create striking, environmentally responsible, forward-looking buildings that enhance lives of communities.

Here is another clip from the IL-Informed pilot airing on WTTW. It airs again tonight at 10pm, so tune in! Here is reporter Hassan Ali getting to the bottom of the housing market.

I’m a Democrat, but right now, I’m just tired. I’m calling myself out as the Douche of the Day. Why? Because I just wish Hillary and Obama would stop fighting like a divorced couple who are campaigning for the most friends. At one time, the entire country was friends with both. “Hey Obama, we going to the game on Sunday? Cubs vs. Cards - it’s gonna be good!” “Hey Hillary, you gonna make book club tonight - Scarlet Letter - it’s gonna be good!” And America was happy. But then they got divorced. And then we started having to make choices. Choices about who was going to get the coffee table, and who was going to get the teacups from Aunt Jean. Choices about who was going to spoil us more during the holidays. Who was going to pay the highest price for my love?! At first, it was fun. What’s mom saying about dad?! What did dad just do?!

But now. Now, it’s just tiring. And Uncle John is just sitting in the background, quietly drinking his Scotch, and saying, “Mom and Dad will always fight. The love fighting more than you. But me. I’ll always love you…” And if we aren’t careful, I just may listen. I get tired of fighting. I just want someone to tell me they love me….